I like to think that I’m fairly good at time management. Why then, I would constantly ask myself, do I end every weekend with more and more items on my to-do lists left unchecked? Why am I always getting burnt out? Why do I always feel like I should be completing more?
It finally came to me the other day, as I was listening to the most recent Lazy Genius podcast. My problem is not time management; it’s expectation management. I have very high standards for myself and very high expectations. So high, in fact, that they are often virtually impossible to reach.
My weekend to-do lists are insane. They include not only regular life stuff like grocery shopping and cleaning and laundry, but also word count goals and social media posts and newsletter drafts and connecting with other writers and writing workshops and aggressively working out. Don’t even get me started if it happens to be a long weekend — that magical time where I somehow think that one extra day affords me 75 extra hours.
I got super burnt out a few weeks ago, to the point where it was affecting my full time job. I was tired and crabby and my eye was twitching and I felt like garbage. I had no energy and could have burst into tears at any second. One day I just ended up staying home because I was scared I was on was on the very edge of a mental breakdown (spoiler alert: I was fine.)
But it wasn’t my job that was making me feel like this. It was my other life. My book-writing, house fixing, trying to find a new house, packing, peri-menopausal, constantly learning, promoting my books life. It was the part of my life where I could choose to do whatever I wanted and I was choosing too many things. Way too many things.
I needed to do something. I needed to lower my expectations. I needed to examine everything I was doing and really prioritize what was important. I needed to MoSCoW my life.
For those who aren’t familiar with MoSCoW, it is a project management prioritization method. In a nutshell, you divide all your requirements (in my case, tasks) into categories: Must have, Should have, could have and won’t have (for me: must do, should do, could do).
When I asked myself what the most important thing to me was right now, I concluded it was my mental health. Basically, the very thing I was putting on the back burner to complete everything else. And, the irony is, of course, I couldn’t do all the other things I wanted to do effectively if my mental health wasn’t taken care of. I couldn’t do the job I loved. I couldn’t write my third book. I couldn’t promo the other two.
So, here’s what I came up with:
The top three things that I MUST do to take care of myself and my mental health:
Exercise 6 days a week, even if that’s just a walk around the block or shoveling snow.
Relax every day (read a book, do a puzzle, lay down and stare at the ceiling)
Meditate every day
After that, I can add things that make sense, keeping in mind that weekends are also for fun so I should leave time for that, and also make sure I leave room to adapt if needed. Now, when I make my lists, I ask myself: “Does this thing actually NEED to be done this week or is this just an arbitrary deadline you’re creating for yourself?” If it’s the second option, it will go into the Should or Could column. I don’t have a won’t column, but I do have a running list where I put things that have no deadline but I’d like to get done at some point.
And, of course, because I’m weird, I created a One Note (based on this template) and some fun icons. Here’s what it looks like (I blacked out people’s names):
So far, it’s been working pretty great. I like having everything in one place rather than having some things written down and other random notes on my phone. And, best of all, I have started enjoying my weekends again. Without the internal pressure to achieve an unrealistic amount of items, I can let things go more easily and I don’t feel like a failure when Sunday night comes around and I’ve only finished half the things on my list.
If I do feel like I haven’t achieved enough because, let’s face it, I’m me and that’s how I roll, I remind myself that my mental health is my top priority; that I can’t do anything if I don’t have that. That I’m only one person. And that person can’t do everything.
And, sometimes I still feel guilty. And my eye twitch hasn’t entirely disappeared. But I have started to cut myself some slack. I’ve started to allow myself that extra kindness of not beating myself up for having to push something to a future list. Sometimes things just aren’t going to get done.
And I’m almost ready to be okay with that.
Updates
Holy crap, Love, Julie launches in one month!! I can’t even believe that we’re at this point. If you follow me on social, you know that writing this book has been a long and, honestly, sometimes painful process, but it has also been gratifying and rewarding.
This book made me angry, it made me hopeful and it helped me work through a lot of stuff. I'm really proud of the result.
I can't wait to share it with you all.
Here’s a cool thing: Love, Julie was awarded a Reader’s Favourite Review! I honestly can’t put into words how thrilled I was when my publisher told me (also, thank you to her for the image). I am very honoured to have received this and I hope the book lives up to their kind words.
Another cool thing: I was featured on Jill’s Book Cafe blog! Jill was super great to work with and it was a lot of fun answering the five questions about my life. If you want to read them and check out all the other authors who have answered, take a look at her blog here!
I’m going to be doing Facebook take-over of the Tattered Page Book Club page on April 13th! I’ve never done one before but I’m excited. Come join the fun and you might win a prize! Or, at the very least, I might embarrass myself so that should be entertaining.
Favour
Do you have a Goodreads account? If you do, it would be really helpful to get the word out about Love, Julie if you click on the want to read button on the book page (here).
Why it’s helpful:
Visibility: When a user marks your book as "Want to Read," this action is shared with their friends or followers on Goodreads, depending on their privacy settings. This sharing creates a potential ripple effect of visibility - if those user's then click Want to Read this can then potentially be broadcast to their own friends and followers network and so on.
Goodreads Alerts: Goodreads typically sends out notifications to users when a book on their "Want to Read" list is published or available for purchase potentially boosting early sales.
It will be Someone to Kiss’ half-birthday on April 4th! If you can believe it, my debut novel will be turning 1.5 years old in just a few days. While you don’t have to read it to enjoy Love, Julie, I’m told it does help. If you want to read it before Love, Julie comes out, click below!
Resources and stuff
Writer Beware - a great website about scams in the publishing industry.
Author’s publish - I love this newsletter. Not only do you get updated on publishers accepting submissions, but there are a lot of free workshops offered for authors.
Cool for me to be in your newsletter Jamie, thanks for the shout out! (Jill aka Jill's Book Cafe)