If you know me well, it will come as no surprise to you that, on occasion, I like to torture myself by online dating. Every time I tell myself it will be different, and every time it most certainly is not. This time, as I was deleting my Tinder account in mid-conversation with a guy who had just let me know that he was “well endowed” (thanks, by the way) I asked the question, not for the first time, “why do I keep doing this to myself?”
I love my life. I like being single. Why do I think that dating someone would make it any better? Why, when I hate every part of online dating? Why, when I close my eyes whenever I swipe right, hoping I don’t get a match? Every time I tell a guy how long I’ve been single and he says, “you haven’t had sex for over a decade?” and I have to explain that, no, that’s not really how it works, sweetheart, a little piece of me dies inside.
So, why? Am I a sucker for punishment? Am I delusional? Do I really want to date a man who asks me if I “like to cuddle” like it’s a fundamental interest?
I think I finally figured it out.
I like romance. I like reading romances and writing romances and, at Christmas time, watching romances on TV. I think true love is a thing and, while I may have never felt it, and potentially will never find it, I am truly happy for those who do.
Until recently, I thought that if I liked romance, then I must want to search for it. If I believed in true love, I must want to find it. The only time I would admit to myself that I loved being single, was when I was hurt or disgruntled or heartbroken and I thought romance was garbage.
But, what if it wasn’t so binary? What if it wasn’t so black and white?
Can I still write good romances and read great romances and fully, completely believe in them, but still really enjoy being single? Can I believe in true love but also love my life with its freedom and ease, and not want to depend on anyone else for any part of my happiness?
Hell, yes I can.
The novel of my life may not close with the main character living the rest of her life with her perfect match, but to me, it will still be a happy ending.
Book update
I’m almost done the first draft of Love, Julie but I’ve been saying that for about a month now, so we’ll see if I just copy and paste this exact sentence into January’s newsletter.
What I’m reading
I’m enjoying this so far, but I’m only about 10% in and I get the feeling it’s going to be a bit more spicy than I usually read, so I’m already preparing to be slightly uncomfortable. Well-written spice is great. Poorly-written spice is…not. Stay tuned to my Insta to find out which one it will be!
What I’m also reading
I’m on book seven of this series and it’s basically taken me most of my life to get to this point, because the books are so giant I can only read one a year so it doesn’t affect my book-reading goals. I’m honestly, not super into this one, but she is such an amazing writer and her specificity and descriptive writing is brilliant. I fall short on both of those in my own writing so I feel like this is a good educational read, if anything. Plus, Jamie Fraser you guys? Come on.
Resources
These are all the most recent editions of my favourite Substack newsletters. Two are book/writing-related. Two are not.
Shameless Plugs
You’ve probably already signed up for my newsletter seeing as you’re reading this but, if you came here from somewhere else, there’s still time to sign up and download and read your free copy of Running From Christmas before the season ends!
Fact: Books make excellent Christmas presents. And guess what? You can order my debut novel, Someone to Kiss, right here! Sweet.